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Actually, all my closest friends havebeen female. When I'm given the chance to have sex with you in a dream Idon't use my natural body parts. And being in a female body doesn't feelall that wrong to me, even though Karen and Cindy said they didn't liketo be in a guy's body - and it really rattled Jenna. Beth, what's wrongwith me?"I could feel it. I was standing on the edge of that cliff again - likehow I felt when I was in the changing stall with Beth. Or like thatweird dream where I was staring down a literal cliff. The voice in thedream had told me to jump - but did I really want to go down this way?"Loren, you're crying," she said softly."What's wrong with me?" I asked again.She kissed me on the lips."Whatever this is, or whatever you are, it's not wrong. You are what youare, naturally, and that can't be wrong." Yeah, maybe," I said.I wasn't so sure about that."Pretending to be a male-to-female transsexual doesn't bother me thatmuch. Should it bother me? Would it bother most. What did he mean by training? What sort of training? His words to me echo in my head, "I will tell you everything you need to know, when you need to know." Well, I need to know now dammit!I stand and walk to the closets. I open the huge wooden doors and find the space empty. I step into it, almost to convince myself it is real. Stepping out again, I walk to the bathroom. I wonder as I'm walking if there is anyone watching me. There are mirrors in every corner. I feel self-conscious in my black dress and no shoes and I occasionally look back over my shoulder. The bathroom is cavernous, with marble tiles, pool-sized tub and candles. I touch the bottles of my perfume, my favorite soap. This is dreamlike and my heart begins to pound again. Perhaps I should take a bath, as The Man suggested. It might calm me. The feeling that I am being watched is unnerving. I run the bath water very hot. Sitting on the edge of the tub I stare into the forming pool of water, breathing in the steam. I.
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